Heather

Heather

Heather

My name is Heather, Im a grateful believer in Jesus ,who came to celebrate recovery (cr) for past physical, sexual, emotional, and satanic ritual abuse as well as for cutting. My bio parents divorced when I was a toddler, my bio mom remarried when I was 2,my bio dad when I was 8. I primarily lived with my bio mom and stepdad, seeing my bio dad and his family on weekends. I had half brother half sister, and a stepbrother and stepsister. As a child from a 1st marriage I was always made to feel unwanted, unaccepted and unloved. My birthdays, as well as holidays passed me over year after year ,while everyone else got gifts. Abuse was imminent and included beatings, rape, yelling, name-calling, food and water being withheld, as well as being locked out in the winter. Parts of my childhood I was homeless as Iíd be kicked out and have to seek shelter elsewhere. @age5 my bio dad and stepdad forced me in to prostitution for their benefit. My abusers werenít just my parents, they were all my relatives, my parents male and female friends as well as others. Going to school was an escape and I did well till high when I began failing math. It was another reason for me to be hurt. I grew up catholic I went to church and catechism. but there was a dark side to religion in my family. My bio parents were Satanist, as a baby Iíd been dedicated to Satan. I grew up having horrible things done to me as well as being forced to do horrible things that hurt me deeply. Somehow I always believed in God and knew he was real. though I seriously doubted he loved me. Church was a cover for my parents, for me it was real. I was severely punished if I was found praying, there were times I was tortured to renounce God. I tried to tell about the abuse but wasnít believed. Though I believed with all my heart in God, I didnít understand then what free will really meant . I didnít understand God gave us free will, that some people used their free will to hurt me. I wasnít allowed to show anger, defiance or rebellion. @ age 13 I began cutting to cope. Iíd tried suicide several times as well. My family knew I cut but didnít care. Despite everything I managed to graduate high school. I began working fulltime in the childcare field. I loved being with kids. Several times growing up Iíd runaway and tried to get away from my family. In July o7 I succeeded and I moved cross country. I began going to church and to celebrate recovery. the second time there I went forward to get a blue chip to show I was surrendering not only my past and the cutting, but my will and life as well over to God. I began going to step studies, and God began changing my life. I began forgiving those who had hurt me, I began to trust God with everything every memory, most of all I was growing closer to the God I was made to serve and worship. After I graduated the program second time I began being in leadership and volunteering in domestic violence shelters. A passion to help those held captive in human trafficking and slave trades burned in me. I am no longer a hurting self centered person but a thankful Christ centered one. Ph 4:13 says we can do all things thru Christ who strengthens us and itís true.
Without God I would have given up on being healed. With my God all things are possible. It has been over 3 yrs since I last cut. God healed and delivered me.

 

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